Be Ye Therefore Perfecting

A Discussion of the conference talk "Be Ye Therefore Perfect- Eventually" by Jeffery R. Holland.
I was told to facilitate discussion so I’m trying a new format. I actually googled how to have a discussion, in case any of you think I have any idea what I’m doing. Let me explain how this will work. I’m going to divide you into groups of 3-4. Each group will get a post it pad. I’m going to make a statement, then pose a question or two. You will discuss it as a group and write your answer on the post it, then come stick the post it on the board. We will read these and discuss together.

Be Ye Therefore Perfect -Eventually

I couldn’t help but think as I read this how  overwhelming this perceived expectation of perfection is. It is omnipresent in our lives. Not only in the gospel, but think for a minute about social media. If Facebook is to be believed, we all perfectly apply makeup and constantly travel to perfect destinations with perfect children who never argue and are stunning geniuses. Our perfect digital life. 

It is natural to not want to look at our imperfections. It is natural to not want to admit to having imperfections.
I was recently editing some old family photos. I noticed that when I started removing the blemishes, the overall quality of the picture went down. It made me stop and think. When we filter all the imperfections out of a picture and only present the perfect parts of us, what is left? (For me, nothing except my phenomenal cheekbones) If we filter ourselves like we filter our photos and only keep the perfect bits, we are only a shell. A perfect no one. Embrace the imperfect parts, they make us who we are.

1st discussion topic

Do we do this with things besides pictures? 

(Testimonies? Our ability to live the commandments? Our parenting skills?)

Is it harmful and if so, why?

(If you don’t admit fault/weakness it is impossible to change. I can’t get to heaven, quickly put a Snapchat pretty filter on my testimony and glide on into the celestial kingdom (at least I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work that way)) Just like a filtered picture, it isn't real. I should be able to look at my unfiltered testimony and recognize that the reality is beautiful.

This commandment of perfection and seeing it apparently in the lives of those around us also has the effect of making us feel like we don’t measure up. It makes us self critical and we feel discouraged. Elder Holland says, “I believe in His perfection, and I know we are His spiritual sons and daughters with divine potential to become as He is. I also know that, as children of God, we should not demean or vilify ourselves, as if beating up on ourselves is somehow going to make us the person God wants us to become.”

Discussion question 2

How does it help you to know that Christ is perfect?

(Holland lists several, but I chose this quote)

‘Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him … ,” Moroni pleads. “Love God with all your might, mind and strength, then … by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ.”9 Our only hope for true perfection is in receiving it as a gift from heaven—we can’t “earn” it. Thus, the grace of Christ offers us not only salvation from sorrow and sin and death but also salvation from our own persistent self-criticism.’

Elder Holland ends by discussing a scene from Tolstoy where a priest is criticized for his life not being as perfect as his sermons suggest they should be.

‘In response to that criticism, the priest says: “Look at my life now and compare it to my former life. You will see that I am trying to live out the truth I proclaim.” Unable to live up to the high ideals he taught, the priest admits he has failed. But he cries:

“Attack me, [if you wish,] I do this myself, but [don’t] attack … the path I follow. … If I know the way home [but] am walking along it drunkenly, is it any less the right way simply because I am staggering from side to side?

“… Do not gleefully shout, ‘Look at him! … There he is crawling into a bog!’ No, do not gloat, but give … your help [to anyone trying to walk the road back to God.]”13

Brothers and sisters, every one of us aspires to a more Christlike life than we often succeed in living. If we admit that honestly and are trying to improve, we are not hypocrites; we are human.’

Who are the people staggering toward heaven? (We all are)

How can we hurt and how can we help?

I want to point out that the word perfect has two meanings. Perfect (adjective) without flaw, unblemished perfect (verb): to make better. Perhaps we should read this end of the beatitudes with the verb in mind. Be ye therefore perfecting.

The Fellowship of the R(espectful) I(nsightful) N(ice) G(irls)(uys)

Fellowship with Those Who are Not of Our Faith

I am so funny.

What does fellowship mean? Quote 1

To me this means, be a genuine friend, to everyone you can. No one wants to feel like a project.

“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.”
― Linda Grayson (Pull out a bag of chocolate, you are now the best friend in the room.)

When I think about President Hinckley, one of the many things that come to mind is that he really worked to reach across religious boundaries to strengthen ties with other religious leaders. He really lived this idea of fellowship.

I met President Hinckley once while I was at BYU. I was in a large room of around 300 people. I can tell you that you could feel it the moment he entered. Whether this was the spirit or the palpable love that people had for him, and he for them, I can’t say. Perhaps it was both. But I know that when it comes to fellowshipping, I have a lot to learn from him. This lesson lays out some good tips for doing this.

1 When we remember that all people are children of God, we reach out more to lift and help those among us.

We must never forget that we live in a world of great diversity. The people of the earth are all our Father’s children and are of many and varied religious persuasions. We must cultivate tolerance and appreciation and respect one another.⁶

Have someone read Mark 12:30-31 This is a hard task. What is meant by neighbor?

Can you think of people who truly live this commandment? How do they make you feel?

“There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.” ― Jane Austen

2 We should live with respect, appreciation, and friendship toward people who are not of our faith.

I think this is pretty hard, so I want to spend some time discussing. Here is some advice from the manual with a few of my own words sprinkled in.

This lesson uses the word respect a lot. What is respect?

“The truest form of love is how you behave toward someone, not how you feel about them.”
― Steve Hall

                -We must not be clannish. (clique-ish)

                We like what we are familiar with. Can you think of ways we are cliquish?

Ex. When I lived in Wisconsin, there were few Mormons. I remember when I got pregnant with my daughter, I asked an LDS friend who her OB was, she told me that all the LDS women go to the same OB/GYN because his wife had grown up LDS and he knew about some of the specific concerns of LDS medical care. This is still a strange exchange to me. Considering that we were having an astonishing number of babies, this was one lucky physician. Of course, I went along with the crowd, and he was a good doctor. When the day came for me to have my baby, I had to have an emergency C-section. I was rushed back by a just awakened, unfamiliar doctor. He performed the C-section that saved her life and put me back together afterwards. When I awakened, he kindly explained to me what had happened and held my hand while he told me that I might not be able to have any more children. I am grateful to him to this day and feel a little silly about basing my decision for a physician solely on what the other LDS women did and not on my own research and feelings.

-We must be magnanimous and open and friendly.

-Respect other religions.

I think it is hard for people to think we are friends if we are constantly trying to convert them.

“We can keep our faith. We can practice our religion. We can cherish our method of worship without being offensive to others. I take this occasion to plead for a spirit of tolerance and neighborliness, of friendship and love toward those of other faiths.” –Gordon B. Hinckley

-We must never adopt a holier-than-thou attitude. We must not be self- righteous.

This is so detrimental toward progress and understanding.

Can you think of ways we do this?

Ex. I have a friend I met about eight years ago. She was the wife of one of James’ fellow residents and a devout Christian. I was her first LDS friend. I asked if she had ever met a Mormon before and she had, but always felt that they were stand-offish and exclusive at best. She said she had never met any ‘cool’ Mormons. I am obviously super cool, so that totally explains how I was able to befriend her when others could not (j/k).  No, really she didn’t mean cool like trendy, she meant cool like laid back. She asked many questions about my faith and I hers. I can honestly say that I have felt the Spirit more strongly in these sincere conversations than I do in most church meetings. These conversations only happened after we were friends, when we already had love and respect for each other. We need to have love first and foremost. This goes along with my next suggestion.

-Fight hate.

It is the opposite of love and will drive us apart faster than anything I know.

“I plead with our people everywhere to live with respect and appreciation for those not of our faith. There is so great a need for civility and mutual respect among those of differing beliefs and philosophies. We must not be partisans of any doctrine of ethnic superiority. We live in a world of diversity. We can and must be respectful toward those with whose teachings we may not agree. We must be willing to defend the rights of others who may become the victims of bigotry.” –Gordon B. Hinckley

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.,

Examples of ways we can do this?

Ex. I am a big nerd, which is why when I saw my lesson was on fellowship that I joked that I should just teach a lesson on the “Fellowship of the Ring”, but there is a lesson in there for all of us. Two members of the fellowship are from different races that historically hate each other. In the beginning they fight a lot, but slowly, as they learn about each other, they change their viewpoints and eventually become very close. I think that is the key to fighting hatred, learning about others who are different from us exposes us to a whole new level of compassion.

-Work with others in good causes.

Despite our differences, we can find common ground and work together.

“We can and do work with those of other religions in various undertakings in the everlasting fight against social evils which threaten the treasured values which are so important to all of us. These people are not of our faith, but they are our friends, neighbors, and co-workers in a variety of causes. We are pleased to lend our strength to their efforts.” –Gordon B. Hinckley

3 When we treat others with love, respect, and kindness, we show that we are true disciples of Jesus Christ.

“Do we really comprehend, do we understand the tremendous significance of that which we have? This is the summation of the generations of man, the concluding chapter in the entire panorama of the human experience.

But this does not put us in a position of superiority. Rather, it should humble us. It places upon us an unforgiving responsibility to reach out with concern for all others in the Spirit of the Master, who taught, “Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself” (Matthew 19:19). We must cast out self-righteousness and rise above petty self-interest. …

We of this generation are the end harvest of all that has gone before. It is not enough to simply be known as a member of this Church. A solemn obligation rests upon us. Let us face it and work at it.

We must live as true followers of the Christ, with charity toward all, returning good for evil, teaching by example the ways of the Lord, and accomplishing the vast service He has outlined for us.²¹” –Gordon B. Hinckley

The only way we can do this is to show others that we really care. Regardless of faith or other things we don’t hold in common.

“The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.”
― Elie Wiesel

Don’t be indifferent. Care, respect, serve and love ALL our fellow children of  God.

Quotes

Quote 1 “In the Church we use the word fellowship to describe our efforts (1) to encourage less-active members to return to full activity and (2) to help new converts make the transition into the Church following baptism. I believe those meanings are valid, but to me the word fellowship has a much broader connotation. I believe we members do not have the option to extend the hand of fellowship only to relatives, close friends, certain Church members, and those selected nonmembers who express an interest in the Church. Limiting or withholding our fellowship seems to me to be contrary to the gospel of Jesus Christ. The Savior offered the effects of his atoning sacrifice to all mankind. He said, “Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.” (D&C 18:10.) Can we justify doing less?” –M. Russell Ballard

Thoughts on the talk "Gathering the Family of God" by President Eyring

I really thought I was off the hook this month because stake conference fell on my Sunday. Apparently I wasn’t so lucky. This lesson is from a talk by Henry Eyring “Gathering the Family of God” which is from the April conference this year. I’ve never done a lesson on a talk before, so I hope I do this right. Any uncredited quotes are from this talk and by President Eyring.

            He starts by talking about the plan of salvation. (Have someone read quote 1)

Quote 1 “To describe this gathering, it may be best to begin before we were born, before what the Bible calls “the beginning” (Genesis 1:1). At that time, we lived with Heavenly Father as His spirit children. This is true of every person who has ever lived on earth. You see, the names “brother” and “sister” are not just friendly greetings or terms of endearment for us. They are an expression of an eternal truth: God is the literal Father of all mankind; we are each part of His eternal family.”

            What stands out to you about this quote? (Wait for answers, come up with your own, or use mine.) For me it is that calling one another brother and sister is an expression of an eternal truth. Of course I knew that, but it is a nice reminder. It also reminds me that this not only applies to the members of church, but to everyone. We just don’t usually call everyone that, because that would be, well, weird. (Have someone read quote 2)

Quote 2 “This is part of the miracle of Heavenly Father’s plan. He wants His children to come to earth, following the eternal pattern of families that exists in heaven. Families are the basic organizational unit of the eternal realms, and so He intends for them also to be the basic unit on earth. Though earthly families are far from perfect, they give God’s children the best chance to be welcomed to the world with the only love on earth that comes close to what we felt in heaven—parental love.”

            (You may use my experience here, or share one of your own about when you have felt “the only love on earth that comes close to what we felt in heaven) I want to share an experience I had as a new mother. I woke up in the middle of the night after my emergency c-section, the only light in the room was shining down on my newborn daughter, illuminating her like a halo. I walked over and stood beside her, almost afraid to touch her. This is when I saw my daughter for the first time. Really saw her. I didn’t know her at all. Didn’t know all the things that she would become and do. But I felt an overwhelming amount of love for the speck of a human being before me. It enveloped me completely. I knew as I stood there that this is how my Heavenly Father feels about me. And then I realized that once, my mother had had this exact same feeling for me. And her parents about her. I could feel that love stretching back throughout my earthly generations and stretching forward to those who would come next. That my daughter would one day know exactly how I loved her. It was a stunning and surreal feeling. Granted, I was on a heavy amount of morphine, which might account for the surreal feeling. But there was no denying that overwhelming feeling of love, I have never forgotten it.

Because of the restored gospel, we know that it is possible for the generations that have gone before, and all those who never had a chance to receive the fullness of the gospel in this life to receive it. This is what Elder Eyring refers to as “Gathering the Family of God” (Have someone read quote 3)

Quote 3 ”Our Heavenly Father is anxious to gather and bless all of His family. While He knows that not all of them will choose to be gathered, His plan gives each of His children the opportunity to accept or reject His invitation. And families are at the heart of this plan.”

Elder Eyring talks of the coming of Elijah and the restoration of the priesthood keys. Can anyone briefly relate how and when this happened? Easter 1836 Kirtland temple. (Have someone read quote 4)

Quote 4 ‘I bear testimony that Elijah did come. The hearts of the children—of you and me—have turned to our fathers, our ancestors. The affection you feel for your ancestors is part of the fulfillment of that prophecy. It is deeply seated in your sense of who you are. But it has to do with more than just inherited DNA... It requires sacred covenants made in connection with priesthood ordinances.’

            And those priesthood ordinances require family history work.

You’ve all heard of a family tree. In a family tree, who are roots? (Our ancestors) Who are the branches? (Our offspring) And who is the trunk/stem? (You) What do the branches do for the tree? Well, they hold the leaves and leaves absorb light from the sun and give the tree energy. Just like kids, who soak up light and knowledge and seem to be unending sources of energy. Branches also bear fruit, to create the next tree. Just like our children, who hold the hope for our family’s future. Now let me tell you a little bit about what roots do for trees. First, they nourish the tree with water and nutrients from the soil. As we learn about our family history, we are nourished, just like the tree. We are inspired, enlightened and we grow simply from knowing who they were and how we came to be. Second, they anchor the tree in the ground, giving it strength against the violent storms that assault us. Often roots are two or three times longer than the branches. Imagine how well anchored we become spiritually if we are helping those roots to grow in the gospel. Ever see a tree growing right out the side of a cliff where it has no business growing at all. Those trees are my favorites, imagine the strength of their roots! What about the trunk? What does it do for the tree? Well, it lifts the branches and the leaves into the light. Just as we raise our children in light and knowledge. But, more importantly, it connects the branches and the roots, so the entire tree can grow. We must be that connection in our family as well.

            I want to try a little experiment. (have people read quotes 5-11 aloud. Once they are finished explain that you want them to read them again, but replace the word tree with either the word “family” or the phrase “family tree” whichever they think is more applicable.) Kind of neat how the meaning stays the same, right?

Quote 5 “Trees are the earth's endless effort to speak to the listening heaven.” -Rabindranath Tagore
Quote 6 “A wind has blown the rain away and blown the sky away and all the leaves away, and the trees stand.” -e. e. cummings
Quote 7 “God writes the Gospel not in the Bible alone, but also on trees, and in the flowers and clouds and stars.” -Martin Luther
Quote 8 “Storms make trees take deeper roots.” -Dolly Parton

Quote 9 “If you would know strength and patience, welcome the company of trees.” -Hal Borland

Quote 10 “To such an extent does nature delight and abound in variety that among her trees there is not one to be found which is exactly like another; and not only among the plants, but among the boughs, the leaves and the fruits, you will not find one which is exactly similar to another.” -Leonardo da Vinci
Quote 11 “He plants trees to benefit another generation.” -Caecilius Statius

            Our ability to do family history work has never been greater than it is now. I have seen it change in my lifetime. What are some changes you have noticed? (Have someone read quote 12)

Quote 12 “We do not know what marvels God will inspire people to create to help in His work of gathering His family. But whatever marvelous inventions may come, their use will require the Spirit working in people like you and me. This should not surprise us. After all, these are beloved sons and daughters of God. He will send whatever inspiration is needed to give them the opportunity to return to Him.”

            I recently spoke at the funeral of my lovely grandmother. She and my grandfather have passionately been doing our family history work. I spent a long time reading over both their autobiographies. They are priceless to me. I am so grateful for the many hours they spent on them. And I know that it is my responsibility to keep it going. Not only the family history, but teaching the rising generation the things that we know and learn about our ancestors. I ended my talk at her service with this:

 “This isn’t really the end of her story. It is carried on. It is carried on by her descendants, you and me and anyone who was inspired by her fierce determination, her humility, her devoted faith, and her zeal for life. So go. Go climb a tree. Try to waterski. Rollerskate in a skirt. Get really wild and do some family history. Climb on top of your school (well maybe not) Find your faith. Drive over Black Bear Pass. Cause some mischief. Spend time with your loved one. Carry on her legacy. So her story has no end.” –me

I share this with you because while I was writing it, I realized that although we believe that family history and temple work lead to literal eternal life, I think it leads to a figurative eternal life here on earth as well. If those who come after us carry on our legacy, love us and remember us long after we are gone, then a part of us is eternally here as well.

            As Barbara Kingsolver puts it “Every life is different because you passed this way and touched history.”

            I know how important the work of gathering the family of God is, and I know our lives will be blessed immeasurably when we do it.

Quote 1 “To describe this gathering, it may be best to begin before we were born, before what the Bible calls “the beginning” (Genesis 1:1). At that time, we lived with Heavenly Father as His spirit children. This is true of every person who has ever lived on earth. You see, the names “brother” and “sister” are not just friendly greetings or terms of endearment for us. They are an expression of an eternal truth: God is the literal Father of all mankind; we are each part of His eternal family.”

Quote 2 “This is part of the miracle of Heavenly Father’s plan. He wants His children to come to earth, following the eternal pattern of families that exists in heaven. Families are the basic organizational unit of the eternal realms, and so He intends for them also to be the basic unit on earth. Though earthly families are far from perfect, they give God’s children the best chance to be welcomed to the world with the only love on earth that comes close to what we felt in heaven—parental love.”

Quote 3 ”Our Heavenly Father is anxious to gather and bless all of His family. While He knows that not all of them will choose to be gathered, His plan gives each of His children the opportunity to accept or reject His invitation. And families are at the heart of this plan.”

Quote 4 ‘I bear testimony that Elijah did come. The hearts of the children—of you and me—have turned to our fathers, our ancestors. The affection you feel for your ancestors is part of the fulfillment of that prophecy. It is deeply seated in your sense of who you are. But it has to do with more than just inherited DNA... It requires sacred covenants made in connection with priesthood ordinances.’

Quote 5 “Trees are the earth's endless effort to speak to the listening heaven.” -Rabindranath Tagore
Quote 6 “A wind has blown the rain away and blown the sky away and all the leaves away, and the trees stand.” -e. e. cummings
Quote 7 “God writes the Gospel not in the Bible alone, but also on trees, and in the flowers and clouds and stars.” -Martin Luther
Quote 8 “Storms make trees take deeper roots.” -Dolly Parton

Quote 9 “If you would know strength and patience, welcome the company of trees.” -Hal Borland

Quote 10 “To such an extent does nature delight and abound in variety that among her trees there is not one to be found which is exactly like another; and not only among the plants, but among the boughs, the leaves and the fruits, you will not find one which is exactly similar to another.” -Leonardo da Vinci
Quote 11 “He plants trees to benefit another generation.” -Caecilius Statius

Quote 12 “We do not know what marvels God will inspire people to create to help in His work of gathering His family. But whatever marvelous inventions may come, their use will require the Spirit working in people like you and me. This should not surprise us. After all, these are beloved sons and daughters of God. He will send whatever inspiration is needed to give them the opportunity to return to Him.”

“Peace and Contentment through Temporal Self-Reliance” or “Don’t be the Damsel in Distress

       First of all, I want to say that I believe temporal AND spiritual self-reliance to go hand-in-hand, and that they are both crucial for happiness but this lesson is about temporal self-reliance, so that is my focus.

Since childhood, we have all become familiar with the archetypal “damsel-in-distress” a woman, placed in peril is helpless to save herself and requires rescuing by someone else, usually a man. Although certainly self-reliance applies to all of us, I think that because of these examples, it is more socially acceptable for a woman to not be self-reliant. We can’t let ourselves fall into this line of thinking. Don’t be Rapunzels, Sleeping Beauties or Snow Whites.

            How do we avoid being the “damsel in distress”? Besides not eating poisoned apples or using spinning wheels, obviously.

            President Hinckley’s first suggestion is hard work. Be a damsel industrious. See what I did there? Damsel in distress becomes damsel industrious. I'm super clever.

            Read Quote 1 “I believe in the gospel of work. There is no substitute under the heavens for productive labor. It is the process by which dreams become realities. It is the process by which idle visions become dynamic achievements.” –Gordon B. Hinckley. Not surprisingly, Pres. Hinckley isn’t the only person to feel this way.

Read Quote 2 “Talent is cheaper than table salt. What separates the talented individual from the successful one is a lot of hard work.” -Stephen King
Read Quote 3 “A dream doesn't become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work.” Colin Powell

Read Quote 4 “Without hard work, nothing grows but weeds.” Gordon B. Hinckley

Can you think of people who achieved great success with nothing but hard work?


My damsel industrious is J.K. Rowling. Seven years after graduating from university, Rowling saw herself as a failure. Her marriage had failed, and she was jobless with a dependent child, but she described her failure as liberating and allowing her to focus on writing. During this period, Rowling was diagnosed with clinical depression. Rowling signed up for welfare benefits, describing her economic status as being "poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless.”

Yet, she persisted in writing, often in cafes with her daughter in tow. She typed out her first Harry Potter manuscript on an old manual typewriter.

            Something I struggle with is how to teach hard work to my kids. Any suggestions or ideas?

Read yourself “I have observed that it is not the geniuses that make the difference in this world. I have observed that the work of the world is done largely by men and women of ordinary talent who have worked in an extraordinary manner.” –Gordon B. Hinckley

            He also suggests that we try to solve our own problems. Be a damsel ingenious

            In order for us to learn and grow, we have to develop the ability to solve problems. Then when we have a solution, we can bring it before the Lord and ask for confirmation that it is a good solution.

Albert Einstein was perhaps the greatest problem solver in history. His biggest secret: know what the problem is, and use new ideas to solve it.

            Quote 5 “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used the create them.” –Albert Einstein.

My damsel ingenious is Princess Leia. When trapped with her friends and being fired at by storm troopers, she saved them all by creating her own exit.

            Seek Learning and Wisdom. Be a damsel intelligent

Whatever principle of intelligence we attain unto in this life, it will rise with us in the resurrection. –D&C 130:18

Quote 6 “Education will prepare you for greater service in the world and in the church. It will help you better provide for yourself, your family, and those in need. It will also help you be a wise counselor and companion to your future spouse and an informed and effective teacher of your future children.” –For the Strenth of Youth

Quote 7 “The acquisition of knowledge is a lifelong, sacred activity, pleasing to our Father in heaven and favored by his servants.” –Ensign, Apr. 2009

My damsel intelligent is Hermione Granger. She wasn’t born of a wizarding family, but she knew if she studied enough, learned enough, that she could make up for not being raised in the magic world. And she was right.

Have someone read section 2 paragraph 3 of manual: Where there is widespread poverty among our people, we must do all we can to help them to lift themselves, to establish their lives upon a foundation of self-reliance that can come of training. Education is the key to opportunity.

Lift others through self-reliance. Be a damsel in service

We are to use our self-reliance to help others. Gordon B. Hinckley said “It is our solemn obligation as found in the doctrine and covenants to succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down and strengthen feeble knees” We must help them to become self-reliant and successful.

Quote 8 “Can we see how critical self-reliance becomes when looked upon as the prerequisite to service, when we also know service is what Godhood is all about? Without self-reliance one cannot exercise these innate desires to serve. How can we give if there is nothing there? Food for the hungry cannot come from empty shelves. Money to assist the needy cannot come from an empty purse. Support and understanding cannot come from the emotionally starved. Teaching cannot come from the unlearned. And most important of all, spiritual guidance cannot come from the spiritually weak. –Marion G Romney

My damsel in service is Princess Diana. She worked with many charities, but is most known for her work with land mines and her charity on behalf of AIDS patients.

Ask: Why is self-reliance important?

-President Hinckley suggests that it is so we can be prepared, for calamities to come. If we are capable of taking care of ourselves in times of peace, we will be better prepared for if and when things fall apart.

-Marion G. Romney said that it is to ensure our freedom. Have someone read quote

Quote 9 “Whenever we get into a situation which threatens our self-reliance, we will find our freedom threatened as well. If we increase our dependence, we will find an immediate decrease in our freedom to act. –Marion G Romney

                        -I think self-reliance makes us independent and perhaps it is the value I place on independence that makes this more important to me, but knowing that I will be okay and the self-confidence that true independence imparts is invaluable.

            Be a damsel independent

Susan B. Anthony said "Independence is happiness." I thought that ending with independence was important since we just celebrated our Independence Day this week.

Quote 10 “Those who won our independence... valued liberty as an end and as a means. They believed liberty to be the secret of happiness and courage to be the secret of liberty.” Louis D. Brandeis

            This applies to individuals as much as countries.

My damsel independent is you. It is me. It is everyone who is trying to stand on their own two feet and fight their personal battles. It will take work and it will take intelligence and it will take ingenuity, but when we achieve it, we will receive the greatest of all blessings, liberty.

Quotes

1 “I believe in the gospel of work. There is no substitute under the heavens for productive labor. It is the process by which dreams become realities. It is the process by which idle visions become dynamic achievements.” –Gordon B. Hinckley

2 “Talent is cheaper than table salt. What separates the talented individual from the successful one is a lot of hard work.” -Stephen King

3 “A dream doesn't become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work.” Colin Powell

4 Read Quote 4 “Without hard work, nothing grows but weeds.” Gordon B. Hinckley

5 “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used the create them.” –Albert Einstein.

6 “Education will prepare you for greater service in the world and in the church. It will help you better provide for yourself, your family, and those in need. It will also help you be a wise counselor and companion to your future spouse and an informed and effective teacher of your future children.” –For the Strenth of Youth

7 “The acquisition of knowledge is a lifelong, sacred activity, pleasing to our Father in heaven and favored by his servants.” –Ensign, Apr. 2009

8 “Can we see how critical self-reliance becomes when looked upon as the prerequisite to service, when we also know service is what Godhood is all about? Without self-reliance one cannot exercise these innate desires to serve. How can we give if there is nothing there? Food for the hungry cannot come from empty shelves. Money to assist the needy cannot come from an empty purse. Support and understanding cannot come from the emotionally starved. Teaching cannot come from the unlearned. And most important of all, spiritual guidance cannot come from the spiritually weak. –Marion G Romney

9 “Whenever we get into a situation which threatens our self-reliance, we will find our freedom threatened as well. If we increase our dependence, we will find an immediate decrease in our freedom to act. –Marion G Romney

10 “Those who won our independence... valued liberty as an end and as a means. They believed liberty to be the secret of happiness and courage to be the secret of liberty.” Louis D. Brandeis

Gordon B Hinckley Manual Lesson 4 "The Pioneer Heritage of Faith and Sacrifice"

The lesson today is titled “The Pioneer Heritage of Faith and Sacrifice”. I have talked about pioneer heritage before and every time, because of my own lack of pioneer ancestors, I feel somewhat excluded. Many of us do not all have Mormon pioneer ancestors. So, and sorry if by now any of you are surprised by this, I decided to deviate from the lesson a little. Because this is Relief Society and because it’s International Women’s Week and because I’m a bit of a feminist, I decided to talk about a pioneer history we all share. That of women. Not to worry, I’ve included some female LDS pioneers as well.

First of all I wanted to list some qualities essential to a pioneer. (Ask class, but these are the ones I came up with)

Faith, Perseverance, Strength, Sacrifice

As President Hinckley describes in the manual, there is more than one way to be a pioneer.

Societal (for a large group of people), Familial (for your family), and Personal. I’m going to start with a few examples of societal pioneers, because I think it is easiest to see these traits manifest in these unique individuals. There are so many of these, I urge you to get online and look up more, their stories are truly inspirational. These are the ones I picked (you may pick and choose which ones you like).

Malala Yousafzai: Malala Yousafzai is a Pakistani activist for female education and the youngest-ever Nobel Prize laureate (2014 age 17). She is known mainly for human rights advocacy for education and for women in her native Swat Valley in Khyber Pakhtunkhwa, northwest Pakistan, where the local Taliban had at times banned girls from attending school. The Taliban famously attempted to assassinate her in 2012. Malala's advocacy has since grown into an international movement. -Wikipedia

“Let us remember: One book, one pen, one child, and one teacher can change the world.” -Malala Yousafzai

Emmeline Pankhurst: Pankhurst’s slogan 'Deeds, not words' defined her life. We would have got the vote without her, but her bravery and radicalism shocked society into a new pattern that could not be reversed. Pankhurst and her daughters were jailed repeatedly – and even then they staged hunger strikes to secure better conditions. When war broke out, they encouraged women to support the common cause and work in industrial production. In 1918 the Representation of the People Act granted votes to women over the age of 30. -the Guardian

Marie Curie: was a Polish and naturalized-French physicist and chemist who conducted pioneering research on radioactivity. She was the first woman to win a Nobel Prize, the first person and only woman to win twice, the only person to win a Nobel Prize in two different sciences, and was part of the Curie family legacy of five Nobel Prizes. She was also the first woman to become a professor at the University of Paris, and in 1995 became the first woman to be entombed on her own merits in the Panthéon in Paris.

Her achievements included the development of the theory of radioactivity (a term that she coined^[3][4][5]), techniques for isolating radioactive isotopes, and the discovery of two elements, polonium and radium. Under her direction, the world's first studies were conducted into the treatment of neoplasms, using radioactive isotopes. She founded the Curie Institutes in Paris and in Warsaw, which remain major centres of medical research today. During World War I, she developed mobile radiography units to provide X-ray services to field hospitals.
-Wikipedia

Mary Fielding Smith: was a stalwart example of a faithful pioneer. She was the widow of Hyrum Smith and traveled west with her brother Joseph Fielding and her son Joseph F. Smith. One morning, they awoke to find several of their oxen missing. Joseph and his nephew searched for them, but had no success.
When they returned to camp, they found Mary kneeling in prayer. Afterwards, she went to look for the oxen herself. She walked along, even when a herdsmen stopped to tell her where he had last seen her oxen (in the opposite direction she was heading). Mary found the oxen, in a clump of willow trees. The herdsmen had hidden them there with the intention of stealing them.
However, at Winter Quarters Mary would lose many of her oxen and horses. She improvised by hooking two of her wagons together, having her oxen pull twice the load. One of the men told her to stay behind, saying she would be a burden and slow the company. Her response: “I will beat you to the valley and will ask no help from you either.”
Along the trail, one of Mary’s oxen fell to the ground, convulsing as if poisoned. Many of the company believed he would die, but Mary asked that the ox be given a blessing with oil. It was done and the ox healed. Not long after, another of Mary’s oxen fell to the ground and also healed with a blessing. She continued on, and true to her word, Mary arrived in the valley a whole day before the rest of the company (I Walked to Zion ; “Mary Fielding Smith—Mother in Israel”).

Jane Manning James: was one of the first African-American Saints. She and several other members of her family joined the Church and Jane led nine of them on an 800 mile journey to Nauvoo.
These early black saints showed amazing faith in prayer. Along the journey, their shoes became worn to nothing and soon their feet bled. Jane writes that “we stopped and united in prayer to the Lord, we asked God the Eternal Father to heal our feet and our prayers were answered and our feet were healed forthwith.” Later on their journey, a baby became ill and when they prayed for the infant, it too was healed.
Despite wading through cold rivers and sleeping out in the snow, she says that “we went on our way rejoicing, singing hymns, and thanking God for his infinite goodness and mercy to us, in blessing us . . . protecting us.” They kept a strong spirit all the way to Nauvoo, where they were invited into the prophet Joseph’s home and told him their story.
She gave birth at Winter Quarters and traveled the rest of the way to Utah. Jane would always be known as a woman of strong faith and charity (Ensign article “Jane Manning James: Black Saint, 1847 Pioneer”).

Arabella “Belle” Smith: became a member of a group of pioneers traveled to settle the San Juan Mission in the southeastern part of Utah. However, their situation looked grim with a fast approaching winter and a large group of people who did not have the supplies to wait through it. The company decided to take a risky short cut instead.
The short cut was the Hole-In-The-Rock, a narrow crevice in the wall of Glen Canyon. It was a very precarious route to take, with a 2,000 foot drop at a 45 degree angle. The company worked hard to widen the hole, make a trail down, and set up a ferry to cross the river at the bottom.
In order for covered wagons to go safely down the steep path, the wagon breaks were put on and several men would pull the wagon back with ropes and chains to keep it from careening down the slope at breakneck speeds. Elizabeth M. Decker wrote that the first wagon to go down had ten men pulling it back.
Joseph Stanford Smith helped others with their wagons all day long. His wagon and family were the only ones left, but despite Stanford’s assistance, the rest of the company seemed to have forgotten his family and ferried across the river. Stanford did not believe they could go down the slope alone, but his wife, Arabella, said that she would pull the wagon back. They left their three children to wait and hooked up a horse to the back of the wagon to help Arabella.
When they started down, Arabella and the horse were immediately thrown from their feet. The poor horse fell on its haunches and was dragged most of the way down. Arabella managed to regain her footing, though not before a sharp rock gave her a horrible gash from her heel to her hip. She pulled back as hard as she could and “crow hopped” the way down as she put it.
After retrieving their children, the Smiths continued on their way and met up with five men from the company. They had finally remembered that they had left the Smiths behind and came to help. Stanford told them “forget it, fellows . . . My wife here is all the help a fellow needs.” (Ensign article “Hole-in-the-Rock” ; General Conference talk “The Future History of the Church”).

Familial
The example that comes to mind for me is that of my mother. She converted when she was 25, despite the fact that her parents disowned her. On her own, she got a master’s degree in music before she met and married my father. She gave birth to six children and adopted five more, raising us in the gospel but encouraging us to find faith on our own. When my father had a stroke 25 years ago, she returned to school to get a Phd in Psychology and supported our family for the rest of her career. Because of her example, we were raised in the church, firmly believed in the value of education and hard work and knew the difference that the strength and determination of one woman can make.

Encourage the class to share some of their own family pioneers.

Personal
We’ve all heard the phrase “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks”. I want to make sure you know that this is a lie. At any point in our lives we can be our own personal pioneers. We can achieve new goals, change our behaviors and adjust our own attitudes throughout our lives.
I have recently been reflecting on the things I need to change to live a more Christ-like life. (Share a personal goal or ask people to share theirs. Mine is to love others more. I have been known to say that I don't like people. Due to the example of a dear friend who expressed her love for others often and vocally, I have decided I need to adjust this attitude. While it may seem simple, for me, an avid introvert, it will be a pioneer-worthy task) In order to be a pioneer, we have to change. Read quotes on change:

1  “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” Mahatma Gandhi
2  “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.” Nelson Mandela
3  “Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.” Harriet Tubman

4  “Remembering you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.” -Steve Jobs
5 “Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.” Carol Burnett
6  “If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.” Maya Angelou 7  “Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it’s time to pause and reflect.” -Mark Twain

Remember that pioneer is not just a noun. It is also a verb and a verb implies action. As you reflect on these stories I invite you to go pioneer. I would love it if you all affect some kind of societal change because of my lesson, but remember that the most important person to change is yourself.

8  “Each person’s task in life is to become an increasingly better person.” -Leo Tolstoy

Gordon B. Hinckley said:

“Behind us is a glorious history. It is bespangled with heroism, tenacity to principle, and unflagging fidelity. It is the product of faith. Before us is a great future. It begins today. We cannot pause. We cannot slow down. We cannot slacken our pace or shorten our stride.”

So, you've been assigned a lesson on Chastity, lucky you

(This was given as a lesson from the Teachings of the Presidents, Ezra Taft Benson (Ch. 17) it may be adapted to whatever you need it for, but that's why it's heavy on the Benson quotes.)
(For fun, ask your closest friend to give your lesson today. She'll love it.)

What is the law of chastity? 

(You may read the quotes yourself or have someone else read them, they are all at the end of the lesson so you can copy and paste them to print if you like)

Quote 1  “The moral code of heaven is complete chastity before marriage and full fidelity after marriage.” -Ezra Taft Benson 

(Write it on the board in big, bold letters. Cause, Why not?)

We are going to explore this in two parts, first:

Complete chastity before marriage

            If you’ve already successfully made it to marriage, congratulations.  You may think that this is where you tune out for 20 minutes and play words with friends until I get to something that applies to you.  Think again.  Do you have children?  Grandchildren?  Are you interested in teaching them about the law of chastity.  Then maybe you should listen in. 

            The lesson manual suggests that I start this lesson with 2 object lessons. The first
 involved passing around a plate with some gum for you all, some chewed up and some still wrapped. Then, acting all surprised when none of you chose the chewed up gum.  I chose not to do this.  Partly because it’s gross and partly because I think this is a bad analogy, but mostly because I believe this is a terrible way of teaching.  If you think I'm not going to elaborate, you clearly don't know me well.  

First reason: Gum that is chewed up can’t be unchewed.  It’s trash and dirty and we throw it away.  This isn’t true of people when we make mistakes, even serious ones.

Quote 2; 

"Do you understand the consummate cleansing power of the atonement made by the Son of God, our Savior, our Redeemer, who said, “I, God, have suffered these things for all that they might not suffer if they would repent”? (D&C 19:16.) I know of no sin connected with transgression of the moral law which cannot be forgiven, assuming, of course, full and complete repentance.  I know of no more beautiful words in all of revelation than these. “The same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more.”  -  Boyd K. Packer
Remember them no more, I love that phrase and am so grateful for it.

But it is very important to remember that people aren't garbage, even if they don't repent.

Second Reason:  This style of teaching is guilt based; teaching that you will feel and be dirty if you sin.  Even if we feel guilt when we sin, this shouldn’t be our motivation for not sinning.  We should keep the law of chastity out of respect for our bodies and the covenant of marriage. 

Third Reason: I can tell you from experience that this is a particularly harmful way of teaching for victims of sexual assault.  Currently this is 1 in 5 American women, half of these occur before the age of 18.

The second object lesson is about modesty, it involves calling three women up and giving them each a bag of m&m’s: one unopened, one opened and one dumped directly into their hands. Then asking which woman is likely to eat the m&m’s. Then to explain that when we dress immodestly we are tempting those around us and ourselves to behave impurely. I don’t like this lesson either. Here’s why. Let’s take this object lesson a little further. Say you are sitting at a table, there are three bags of m&m’s in front of you, one unopened, one opened and one dumped on the table. I explain that these are my m&m’s you can’t have them without my permission. That doing so would hurt me deeply, is against the law and violates my rights as a human being. Which bag do you eat?

Under what circumstance would you not be at fault for eating the m&m’s without my permission?

What if you are very, very hungry?

What if you are super cool and the m&m’s should be honored to be eaten by you?

What if someone else has already eaten some m&m’s?

What if your friend offers to help you eat the m&m’s?

What if the m&m’s are unconscious and won’t notice?

What if the m&m’s are under 18?

I hope you see where I am going with this. The problem with this object lesson is that, turns out, women are not m&m’s. We are people, not sexual objects. This analogy very literally objectifies people. Specifically victims. While keeping the aggressors human. We deserve to be treated better than a tasty snack. We deserve to be treated human. AND we deserve to be treated that way regardless of the clothes we wear. The mentality that dressing a certain way ‘causes’ others to have impure thoughts is dangerous. It is the fault of the impure thinker (and society for constantly sexualizing women.) The truth is some people will have impure thoughts about people dressed in shapeless head-to-toe bags.

Of course I want my children (my daughter AND my sons) to be modest, but this is so much more than what they wear. I want them to be modest in their manner, in their dress, in their words and in their self-control. I want them to treat others with the respect they deserve as a children of God, regardless of what they choose to wear. We are so much more than our clothes.

Of course, this is MUCH harder to teach than how to cover your body so that it isn’t offensive to others, but it is way more important.

President Benson called sexual immorality the “plaguing sin of this generation”  He further said "No sin is causing the loss of the Spirit of the Lord among our people more today than sexual promiscuity. It is causing our people to stumble, damning their growth, darkening their spiritual powers and making them subject to other sins." This seems pretty bleak. While I think it is important, I am hopeful it is not quite as bad as all that. Regardless, this is clearly a lesson that must be taught. But how?

Elder Matthew O. Richardson said "As the world drowns in immorality, there is still hope for future generations. This hope centers on parents devoting their best efforts to teaching the rising generation to be virtuous and chaste."  So, no pressure.

How do we do this? First of all I wondered why they choose to become sexually active in the first place.  So I read a few surveys of teens and these were some of the top reasons they gave and how I think we can counter them.

(This is a long list, cover the ones you feel are pertinent or that you have time for, only please don't skip self esteem)

1. Peer pressure Many young people feel great pressure from other teenagers to become sexually active.  In fact this is the number one reason that teens have sex.  Teens do not want to be different or be rejected by their friends. Teens with low self-esteem are particularly vulnerable to peer pressure.

 I think self esteem is particularly important.  Many young women already suffer from low self esteem, and according to a 2002 study by IU “Young girls with high self-esteem were less likely to engage in early sexual activity,” while the converse was true for young men. 

Teaching self esteem is hard. I know I don't have all the answers. But we can start by not comparing our young women to cupcakes and gum and other objects. In these analogies it is always the young woman that is the object and the young man that ruins the object. This is so harmful for both. I think that teaching respect for ourselves and others is where we begin.

We should give special attention to our divine origin and purpose.  D&C 18:10  "Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God." 

Quote 3

“Disciples of Jesus Christ know that a person’s true value has little to do with what the world holds in high esteem. … The Lord uses a scale very different from the world’s to weigh the worth of a soul” – Dieter Uchtdorf

Interestingly, most research indicates that having a good relationship with her father is key to the development of a woman's positive self esteem.

"Women become who they are because of how their fathers treated them and the women around them." -Kristen Houghton

I love this excerpt about self worth from "10 Things I Want to Tell Teenage Girls" by Kate Connor.

"10 You are beautiful. You are enough. The world we live in is twisted and broken and for your entire life you will be subjected to all kinds of lies that tell you that you are not enough. You are not thin enough. You are not tan enough. You are not smooth, soft, shiny, firm, tight, fit, silky, blonde, hairless enough. Your teeth are not white enough. Your legs are not long enough. Your clothes are not stylish enough. You are not educated enough. You don’t have enough experience. You are not creative enough.

There is a beauty industry, a fashion industry, a television industry, (and most unfortunately) a pornography industry: and all of these have unique ways of communicating to bright young women: you are not beautiful, sexy, smart or valuable enough.

You must have the clarity and common sense to know that none of that is true. None of it.

You were created for a purpose, exactly so. You have innate value. You are loved more than you could ever comprehend; it is mind-boggling how much you are adored. There has never been, and there will never be another you. Therefore, you have unique thoughts to offer the world. They are only yours, and we all lose out if you are too fearful to share them.

You are beautiful. You are valuable. You are enough."

-Kate Connor

I beg of you not to overlook the importance of self worth when teaching chastity.

2. Pressure from a partner The inability to say “NO” is the number two reason that teens get involved in sexual activity.  It is difficult to say “NO” especially to someone we care about.  Practicing refusal skills can enable teens to have the self-confidence to effectively say “NO”. 

Quote 4

“The invitation, “If you love me, you will let me,” exposes a major flaw in character. It deserves the reply: “If you really loved me, you would never ask me to transgress. If you understood the gospel, you couldn’t!” –Elder Boyd K. Packer
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends preparing teens for these situations. "They may also feel the internal pressure to keep pace with their friends, as if competing in a marathon to lose their virginity. One way of helping them resist these pressures is to anticipate them and discuss them." What? Talk to your kids about sex? Yes!

3.  Sexual attraction We are sexual beings so it's natural that we are sexually attracted to others. Hormone pressure in teens is very real and can produce intense sexual desires.  However, these urges are controllable. Human beings have the power to choose whether or not to have sex. I feel it is important to teach teens that these feelings are normal, not something to be embarrassed about or ashamed of.
"When teaching your child about sexuality, why not accentuate the advantages of delaying sexual intercourse instead of harping on the potentially adverse consequences? It’s the same message, only framed in a more positive light. You might begin by acknowledging that physical intimacy between two loving adult partners is beautiful and joyful, while also warning about the perils of experience that comes too early." -American Academy of Pediatrics

4. Social and media pressure We are constantly bombarded with sexual messages in the movies, TV shows, magazine ads, and billboards. The producers of these messages are taking advantage of our responsiveness to sexual stimuli to make a profit. Of course, they often fail to include information about any of the consequences of sex such as disease or pregnancy.  It’s not easy to resist this constant sexual bombardment.

Quote 5

“ Morality is no longer a measure of character for prominent role models for our youth—the politicians, the athletes, the entertainers.” – Elder Boyd K. Packer

5. Desire to be seen by others as "normal" Teens mistakenly think that “everyone is doing it”.  The truth is that the majority of teens (54%) graduate high school as virgins.

6. Parental example of permissiveness Just as there are some parents who have a problem with abuse of alcohol or drugs, some parents abuse sex. It's natural for young people to be influenced by their parents' example.  Read page 225

7. The desire to be loved Guys use love to get sex and girls use sex to get love.  Girls often give in to the lines and sexual advances of guys believing that they will receive love in return. 

Quote 6

“If you wish your children to be taught in the principles of the gospel, if you wish them to love the truth and understand it, if you wish them to be obedient to and united with you, love them! and prove … that you do love them by your every word and act to[ward] them” (President Joseph F. Smith)

Ok.  So hopefully there’s something helpful in there.  Now, we’ve made it to marriage.  So, does the law of chastity apply to us anymore? 

Full Fidelity after Marriage

So, clearly that means not committing adultery.  But is that it?

I don’t think so.  Does full fidelity simply mean not cheating on your spouse?  Not surprisingly, I have an opinion on this.  I think it means more.  Fidelity means faithfulness.  Have you ever heard the phrase Semper Fi?  Do you know it’s meaning?  It is most commonly associated with the Marine Corps. As one Marine put it Semper Fidelis means always faithful, and always able to count on your fellow Marines—while in the Marine Corps and for a lifetime. Full fidelity should have a similar meaning in marriage:

Fidelity means support.  Be there for your spouse.  Always. 

Fidelity means you don’t say bad things about them to your friends.  Ever.

Fidelity means honesty.  Be sure you have open, honest communication about everything, all the time.

Fidelity means love.

Of course I don’t just want to gloss over the intimacy issue either.  I just wanted to get those simpler ones out of the way first.  Sexual fidelity has a huge role in marital happiness.   It is the third most common reason for divorce.  Elder Benson gives a few tips for staying faithful.

How to stay faithful to your spouse, a common sense guide by Ezra Taft Benson and Me 

President Benson recommends: (read page 221 (1) titles and first lines, you can elaborate on these, but I chose not to as many of them are self explanatory and I was running out of time:) Clean Thoughts; Prayers for Strength; Avoid Improper Situations; Healthful, positive activities; Be modest. Modesty is not just how you dress, it is how you speak and act as well, we need to remember that modesty applies to men as much as it does to women.

I would add this advice as well:
-Communicate
-Don't use intimacy as a tool to get what you want or win an argument
    This bit of advice came from my mission president's wife and was probably the best advice I received
    Quote 7
     “Tenderness and respect—never selfishness—must be the guiding principles in the intimate relationship between husband and wife. Each partner must be considerate and sensitive to the other’s needs and desires. Any domineering, indecent, or uncontrolled behavior in the intimate relationship between husband and wife is condemned by the Lord”—President Howard W. Hunter
-Be sure both partners in a marriage have these basic human needs met.

Sometimes I forget how much I need intimacy, too.  It’s easy to forget.  I love this article that reminds me:

 “Being a mother, one of the ultimate expressions of womanhood, can often leave a girl feeling stripped of her femininity. There is something about being covered in spit up and attending to the every need of another human being that makes one feel distinctly gender neutral. Most of my days are spent playing with dolls, wiping baby food off of my clothes, changing diapers, wiping snot off of my clothes, going to the park, and wiping what-the-heavens-is-that off of my clothes. There is something restorative about kissing the boy you love. There are times in my husband’s arms when I remember who I am before I even realize I have forgotten. Yes, I am a cook, cleaner, teacher, and wiper of all things disgusting. But I am also something more, something delightful and completely apart from my roles. I am a woman! It is a lovely thing, finding yourself through the touch of someone else.

You need to have a moment in each day that is just about the two of you. Remember that boy? The one that made your heart thump and hands sweat? The one that called when you hoped he would, that made you fly up to the stars until you thought you would never come down? He is still there. Under the years and bills and worries, that smiling boy is still in love with and needs his smiling girl. Every night after the kids go to bed is a chance to find him again. A moment to remind yourself that you are living a picket fenced adventure and my goodness, there is nothing the two of you can't do.

So, tonight put the kids to bed. Leave the dishes in the sink and the floors unswept. They will wait. Take a moment to remember that you are the girl you hoped you would be and then go find that boy and remind him that he is the man you knew he could be."  -Meg Conley

(Ok, that's it, good luck!)

1.     “The moral code of heaven is complete chastity before marriage and full fidelity after marriage.” (Ezra Taft Benson)

     2.   Do you understand the consummate cleansing power of the atonement made by the Son of God, our Savior, our Redeemer, who said, “I, God, have suffered these things for all that they might not suffer if they would repent”? (D&C 19:16.) I know of no sin connected with transgression of the moral law which cannot be forgiven, assuming, of course, full and complete repentance.  I know of no more beautiful words in all of revelation than these. “The same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more.”  -  Boyd K. Packer 

3.     “Disciples of Jesus Christ know that a person’s true value has little to do with what the world holds in high esteem. … The Lord uses a scale very different from the world’s to weigh the worth of a soul” – Dieter Uchtdorf

     4. “The invitation, “If you love me, you will let me,” exposes a major flaw in character. It deserves the reply: “If you really loved me, you would never ask me to transgress. If you understood the gospel, you couldn’t!” –Elder Boyd K. Packer

      5. “ Morality is no longer a measure of character for prominent role models for our youth—the politicians, the athletes, the entertainers.” – Elder Boyd K. Packer

6.     “If you wish your children to be taught in the principles of the gospel, if you wish them to love the truth and understand it, if you wish them to be obedient to and united with you, love them! and prove … that you do love them by your every word and act to[ward] them” (President Joseph F. Smith)

      7. “Tenderness and respect—never selfishness—must be the guiding principles in the intimate relationship between husband and wife. Each partner must be considerate and sensitive to the other’s needs and desires. Any domineering, indecent, or uncontrolled behavior in the intimate relationship between husband and wife is condemned by the Lord”—President Howard W. Hunter